so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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