You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
