i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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