I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
