You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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