i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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