i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
