I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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