No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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