He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
