For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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