So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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