My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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