so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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