My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
