I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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