Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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