I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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