How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
