i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
