It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
