He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
