i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
