finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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