It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
