Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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