so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
