woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
