I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
