I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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