He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
