there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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