Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
