yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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