ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
