So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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