We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
