She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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