I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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