the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
