Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
