Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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