We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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