omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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