My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
