Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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