I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He has the fingertips of a God
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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