Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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