Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
