Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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