pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
