my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
