We named our party play list daddy issues
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
