Please, let me fuck your mom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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