At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had sex on a roof
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