the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
