I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
