I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
