just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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