i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
