I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
