HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
