We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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