My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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