I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My Higher Power is John Stamos
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
