shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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