That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
