He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
