You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
