I love black thongs
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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