just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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