I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
