you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
