I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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