I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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