I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
