Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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