Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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