wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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