dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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