Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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