Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
